Lots To Unpack
This somewhat goes along with my post from several days ago about manners.
As I was walking to the train after finishing at the grocery store today, I passed a group of three people. One of them asked me if I was trans. I said no and continued on my way to the train. (They also asked me for money and got a little shirty when I said I didn’t have any.)
I was dressed in my usual style- dress with petticoat under it, tights, boots (today, Roxy ankle boots), beret hat and my warm jacket.
I also want to add that I have nothing but support for trans individuals and don’t consider being transgender wrong, or dirty, or otherwise bad. My reaction was one of puzzlement and wondering. Especially because I’ve been told that some people in my hi-rise building have made comments about whether I was a man or not.
Two things come to mind. The first is wondering whether people dress up so infrequently these days that anyone who goes out in a nice dress and matching accessories is worthy of comment. (Especially someone who isn’t overweight, since that seems increasingly rare now.)
The second is surprise that people seemingly aren’t being taught manners and when to keep their thoughts to themselves. I was raised to know you could think what you wanted but there are times you should keep those thoughts and questions to yourself. Especially when dealing with strangers. You don’t ask a woman if she’s pregnant (or when she’s due), or ask someone with a visible disability what happened/ what’s wrong with them. Do people not know that? Do they not have brain to mouth filters?
I have seen people on the train that made me wonder if they were cross dressing or transgender. I knew to keep my thoughts to myself though, and I never would have said anything or asked anything.
I also can’t help wondering what about me makes people think I am actually male.
I do have short hair and short nails but lots of women do, so that shouldn’t make a difference. I do like colorful makeup but I don’t wear super heavy “Instagram” or drag makeup. I also usually wear red or reddish lipstick. (Today I wasn’t wearing any since I had my mask on the whole time except for when walking outside.)
I don’t think I look masculine. I do have broad shoulders and feel like I have “man” hands, but apart from that I’m not unusually tall or broadly built. (I was wearing my puffy winter jacket today and that does hide some of my figure.)
It’s sad if people are forgetting what style and dressing up and taking pride in your appearance are. It’s also sad that people care that much about how someone they don’t even know presents. It shouldn’t matter what gender someone is. It shouldn’t matter if they are transgender, or gender fluid, or the gender they were assigned at birth. We are all worthy of respect and we should all be treated equally.
I also don’t like how this makes me question my appearance and how I present myself. Does being very feminine change people’s perception of someone? Is there a certain way AFAB women are supposed to act? It’s frustrating and annoying. (At the same time, I realize it’s nothing compared to the harassment and discrimination that trans and gender fluid people can experience on an unfortunately regular basis. That doesn’t mean it can’t bother me though.)